I don't usually put much about my personal experiences on this website. Some of you may have heard my story on the Pharmacy Podcast or read about it in the Wired article. I've been hearing from more and more patients who are experiencing abusive encounters in the hospital or doctor's office. So many have what appears to be PTSD from these encounters. I know I do. I wanted to briefly tell you what happened to me and why I started advocating in 2017. I have Crohn's and chronic kidney stones. In November of 2017 I went to the hospital for kidney stones. The ER doctor decided to admit me for pain and nausea control, and for fluids. Upon entering the room, the hospitalist asked why I had been given Ativan regularly. I told him it was for PTSD. He pressed me for the reason. I told him childhood trauma. He asked if it was specifically childhood sexual abuse, and I told him yes. He then told me due to that he couldn't give me IV opioids. That sexual abuse changed my brain chemistry and so would IV opioids, said I was too high risk for addiction. He jokingly punched me on the arm and said I'd thank him some day. I was treated horribly for the next 24 hours. Accused, interrogated, spoken down to, mocked, ignored. The lies they put in my EHR are astounding. I've spoken about this experience often on social media because I want others to feel less alone. To know they don't have to be silent if something similar happened to them. As you may know, victims of childhood sexual abuse are used to being silenced, used to feeling shame and fear, used to accepting abusive encounters. If this has happened to you, please know you aren't alone. The vast majority of doctors aren't like this. They'd be mortified by our abusive encounters in medicine. I've always been a writer, but I don't usually share poetry I've written. It's private. Kind of a part of how I've always coped. I want to share this poem, though. It feels vulnerable to share it, but I hope it helps someone. Feel free to reach out to me if you need someone to talk to. bev@thedoctorpatientforum.com
Silenced No More
